Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
