She is in my trunk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
