I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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