i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
