i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
