i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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