I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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