Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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