the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Randomize
