"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
