I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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