Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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