I think im going to throw up on grandma
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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