K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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