just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
