oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
