i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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