Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
