Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
