yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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