When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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