i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
where does the pee come out of this thing
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
