I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
