Im at strip club and am horny
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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