the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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