Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
