you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
