i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
