I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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