we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
