I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize