it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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