this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
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