he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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