Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
