worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
