im six kinds of drunk right now
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
