Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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