the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
