GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
