In the future we'll all be gay
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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