The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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