sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
