my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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