I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
