Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize