went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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