I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
