u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
