I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
