I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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