Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
