...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
