my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sorry my hands just texted you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
