Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
