3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
