First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
