They should really pass out barf bags in church
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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