The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
