So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
