there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
