he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
