How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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