guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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