Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
