let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
