then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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