Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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