Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My cat gives me a boner
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
