i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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