I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize